You consider Northern VA to be in no way similar to southern VA.
You don't consider exploding man hole covers to be an unusual occurrence.
VA - You call it Targ? not Target, and are well aware that the one in Alexandria is just a "tad different".
There are at least fifteen ways to get everywhere and you know which way to go based on the weather, time of day, current political climate, terrorism road closures, and whether you are coming or going. (This one cracked me up because it is sooo true.)
There is no such thing as North, South, East, or West on the beltway, it's just go "that" way!(Inner circle / outer circle).